The Crying Years

     Are you a cryer? I am definitely a cryer. Always have been. And many time I cried not because I was sad but because I felt the weight of the joy I was about to experience or the responsibility I knew God had laid upon me. I cry when I am sad or happy, when I watch a movie like Charlote's Web, when I hear a particular song that my grandmother used to sing, when I see a mom being so strong as she births her baby. And like this morning listening to my morning playlist, you know those favorite songs that motivate you, that remind you of special times, that you fell in love to. Well anyway, I was listening to the list of songs and thinking what will I create today, how will I live up to the potential God has planted in me still waiting to birth, and the songs are touching me somewhere deep inside.

     Then one of my all time favorite songs begins to play. Whitney Houston singing Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman". I have been listening to, dancing to, blasting it while cleaning my house and celebrating being a woman with this song for a long time. But this morning I notice the version I downloaded from iTunes has the original video with it. So I sat and watched beautiful Whitney sing along with Chaka and Valerie Simpson and TLC, and lots of Beautiful Black Women and I started to cry. Of course I was dancing and then I was crying, thinking about all my hopes and dreams, thinking about how beautiful Whitney's voice was, thinking about if I was crying because of stress, or hormones, or the tests that God allows you to experience so you can grow, about why some people have to leave us too soon.

     And I cried and cried all the while with my arms up in the air dancing. And I realized that crying is good, a cleansing for the soul, a release. I remembered how it allowed me to surrender and relax as I struggled with my Vaginal Birth After Cesarean with Tyler in May 1989 and how after crying for 40 minutes, Tyler came out with 3 pushes in10 minutes! Crying is a cleansing and an opportunity to open and make room in your heart for more growth, more love, more dreams to become reality. I used to think all my crying was a sign of weakness but now I know I am stronger because I allow myself to feel, to free my soul, and let my dreams  fly like a bird and become my reality. I love that I am a cryer. Hope and dreams are about to happen!